I would like to share with you a break up story. This story is all about embracing your happy weight (no matter what that number may be) and releasing the power that your scale might be holding over you.
Now this might not be the case for you, but if you’re someone who weighs yourself semi-regularly or feels very attached to the number the scale is telling you from day-to-day, I’m going to suggest something that might feel radical, very scary, and down-right absurd.
I want you to throw away your scale. Or - if you’re not into waste - donate it or hide it away in an obscure place that is inconvenient to get to.
Why am I suggesting this? Because too many people have fallen prey to using their body weight as a way to measure their self worth. Have you ever experienced this?
Maybe you step on the scale and the number that shows up ends up dictating how you feel about yourself for the rest of the day?
Maybe it influences how you eat (or don’t eat) and causes you to feel dissatisfied and judgmental of yourself at times when the number “isn’t right” or exactly what you hoped it would be today.
Or on the flip side, do you feel proud and happy with yourself when the number is the one you wish to see?
When we use the scale to judge our self-worth, we are in veeeeery sticky territory. Because it represents the benchmark of whether or not we’re happy or unhappy with ourselves on any given day. It represents being out of control, failure and worthlessness.
Because that is what diet culture has promoted and perpetuated. It says that if we don’t weigh some arbitrary amount at any given moment then we are not doing life right - we are not in control of ourselves and we are failing. This line of thinking causes us to feel uncomfortable in our own body, even if moments earlier you were having a good day and feeling confident and strong in yourself and body.
The scale robs us of our confidence because it encourages negative self-talk and guilt for “not being better” (as if a number is the arbiter of self-worthiness).
But the reality is nothing has changed except that you have allowed a number to tell you how to feel about yourself.
I’m here to say no more of that nonsense!
The first thing you must do on this nourishment journey is to break up with your scale. I truly mean that. If you feel beholden to your body weight as a reflection of your self-worth, I encourage you to not weigh yourself from this moment forward unless absolutely necessary.
If a number rules your life, you will always have an obstacle standing in your way of being able to intuitively nourish yourself and your life. It will block you from fully embracing your mindful eating, feel-good movement, self-care and stress relief practices.
Self-nourishment is all about noticing how you actually feel, rather than what a number is telling you how you should feel.
I have heard from countless clients when I have encouraged this type of break up that they fear they will lose all control and gain 30+ pounds before they know it’s happening. But funnily enough, the opposite is actually true. When we have negative emotions due to the number on the scale, they tend to greatly influence our eating behaviors in an unhealthy way. But when we remove this negative stressor we actually open ourselves up to listening to what our bodies are actually asking for. And it helps us to realize that we don’t need a machine to tell us how we want to be in our life or who we are.
Shockingly, we don’t need a body weight number to tell us whether or not we can be strong or confident, compassionate or successful, or a good person.
If any of this resonates for you, you may be surprised to find out that after you break up with your scale nothing will happen. Your body doesn’t suddenly gain x number of pounds because you’re not watching it closely.
But what will change is that you’ll stop worrying about it as much. By not worrying about it, you help yourself to focus more clearly on all of the things that your body is doing right (e,g. how strong you are, how miraculously your body functions for you, how amazing it is that you’re even alive and functioning as the complex human being that you are right now).
You’ll also be better able to notice what foods and practices make you FEEL well and which ones don’t, plus so many other insights that are much more important than anything a number on the scale could ever tell you.
Now if you’re saying to yourself right now, “well that all sounds great, but what about weight loss?” I want to reassure you that it is absolutely okay to want to feel more comfortable in your body and have a body composition that you feel satisfied with.
AND - if you truly want to shift your relationship with your health, food and body in a nourishing and positive way - focusing on weight loss and a need to lose weight isn’t the way to do it.
Why? Because this causes you more STRESS - and when you’re stressed, your metabolism down-regulates, causing you to lose your appetite regulation and store more energy (i.e. weight) because your brain and body believe you are in a life-threatening situation that may require more energy stores. When you’re stressed, your body doesn’t want to let go of any extra weight because that extra weight is energy-reserves. But when you’re relaxed and unencumbered by stressful thoughts of needing to lose weight, your body is better able to naturally balance itself and find its happy weight because you’re not constantly creating a state of stress.
So will you lose weight through intuitive nourishment? Maybe. But maybe not too.
Finding your happy weight all depends on whether or not you are currently below, above or already at your happy weight. And I (or anybody else) can’t know what you are “supposed” to weigh at any given moment.
If you’re not familiar with the idea of your happy weight, it’s essentially the weight that your body wants to be. Your happy weight is supported when your body is naturally in balance and is getting ongoing nourishment with nutritious foods and lifestyle practices that help you to feel and function well - all while practicing self care that nurtures your soul and is founded in listening to what your body and being are asking for.
Your happy weight is much more than a number - it’s about restoring your body’s equilibrium.
If you are finding that you are currently experiencing what feels like out-of-control eating, such as over eating, succumbing to extreme food cravings, binge eating or restrictive dieting that leads to overeating and/or feeling uncomfortably full then you very well may be above your body’s preferred happy weight. In these instances, intuitive self-nourishment often does lead to a weight recalibration that is less than your current weight. But really, it’s about respecting the process and being patient and kind with yourself. Doing this in a sustainable and supportive way takes time… but it’s well worth it.
With that being said, if you are typically under eating, ignoring your hunger cues, restricting your food intake, over exercising and/or counting calories, you might actually be at a lower weight than your body’s ideal happy weight. In these instances, it might result in some weight gain. Again, I don’t know your happy weight and often when people are overly restricting their food intake they tend to actually be above their happy weight (because remember - stress causes the body to hold on to weight and store more for future energy needs).
Really what this all boils down to is releasing the hold of what you think you should weigh or look like so you can instead hold space to let your body guide you and your self-nourishment practices.
Because you know what will make you happy? A positive and fulfilling relationship with your food and body.
Trust me - I know it can be hard to shift away from the idea that weighing a certain number should be your health focus.
Losing weight won’t make you feel any happier than you are right now if you have to take a route that feels depleting and self-punishing to get there. But being able to eat and self-nourish in a way that makes you feel vibrant in your body without having guilt, shame or judgment as side dishes? Now that is a path to a happy and healthy you.
